I went up to Yemin Orde for Shabbat – I think there's something that has clicked in me... I feel...different, in a good way.
Tuesday – the day started as any other – I got up, ate and ambled off to work. There was a new madrich in the zoo, one I’d never met before – ‘R’.
We went off to de-cartziot all the doggies – he speaks FA all English, so I really made an effort with the ole Hebrew. Anyhoo, the animals absolutely love him – they went nuts when the two of us approached their cages.
I was like his pet the whole day: he’s been working there for 5 years, so obviously knows the ropes...so we ended up working together in the donkey and camel enclosure. My job was to get 5 kids (there were 6 groups of 30 kids visiting the zoo that day) onto the donkeys, then let the donkeys run up to the end of the enclosure and back, while I did that R took the camels around, and I got more kids on the donkeys, and let them run, etc etc.
So it transpires that I have little to no ability to control five rampaging and snack-hungry donkeys. Long story short, the donkeys would run up to the end of the enclosure, but never return. Every time. So R would go and chase them all back to me, then go and take the camels etc etc...thereby doing the job of one and a half people.
The Brit in me felt the need to apologise for this. Upon going up to him halfway trhought the third group of the day to apologise for my inability to complete the donkeys' run, he looked into my hot sweaty face and said [in Hebrew, 'there's no problem, don't worry, you're doing really well'
Amd then kissed me on the lips. In front of 30 relig girls from Beit Shemesh.
Now, in modern Israel,I'm guessing it;s not the standard protocol to wander up to coworkers - who you've only just met that morning - and give them a ful on smacker, particularly infront of a large group of kids, relig ones at that.
I gave it a bit of time, and got back on with my rather taxing work (I jate to admit it, but, being hihgly embarrased, I immediately succumbed to every English impulse there was, including a crazy amount of blushing). However later I decided to talk to R in private about what had happened earlier. I thanked him for all the help he gave me, and complimented him on his amazing ability to control animals and children (I thought I had animals locked down...turns out I'm horribly wrong) and then asked him what the F*@# he thought he was doing earlier. Did he not know I was datia? Was it the nosering? Was it my elbows on show? Was it my crazy 'seductress' eyes?
But then maybe I'm NOT datia, in contemporary Israeli thought - sure, I keep kosher and shabbat, and I was pretty much shoms til that incident... but I have a nosering, and I'm very chatty with the Israelis, boys and girls... maybe this is actually an indication of untzniut behaviour?
But no, simply put, the reply to my questions was, in broken English:
'I. Loooove. Yooou.'
Love? That was out of LOVE?!
I must say I was ...incensed. Love? What was this guy's problem, taking the piss...
Then I remembered that occasionally, some vocab doesn't translate so well. The Heb verb אהבה - Ahava - means both 'to like' AND 'to love' - there is no differentiation.
So, after a quick explanation - that 'love' is like weddings, bride and groom, for life etc etc, and 'like' is like girlfriend, boyfriend, a more immature form, I got the corrected version of the confession, and that was that. I explained that before doing that kind of stuff, one should really ask some form of permission (especially since I've never had a coldsore and I donlt want one, but I donlt know what they look like so even if someone had one I probably wouldn't be able to spot it) .
Everything returned to normal the next day at work, and another diplomatic incident had been averted.
Later, recovering from this incident, I was sitting down to write it all up outside the miklat when Frenchie joined me. I'm always nervous when these occasions arise, as Frenchie only has two modes of operation: 1. multiple personalities and 2. relentless argumentative idiot. Mostly these two modes are concurrent.
Frenchie also never drinks, mostly because it could potentially trigger off the evil/frightening/psychotic personalites. Here he was, polishing off a bottle of wine, which he invited me to join him in.
I can think of at least three things I'd prefer to do than drink with him. 1. Sit through a four-hour solicitors meeting while badly needing a wee; 2. Perform minor surgery on myself; 3. Entertain Cheryl Cole/Zac Efron/any footballer for an evening. The salient facts of the subsequent experience are these:
- Frenchie has a terrifying laugh when drunk
- He does not like to argue in French, but forgets parts of general English grammatical structure when drunk. So we switched back to French.
- He does not like me at all. And he likes to follow me around, telling me so. In fact, upon managing to escape him for the sixth time, I finally just sat and admitted defeat so that he could accomplish his aim. At least it made him happy.
- He does not understand Hebrew. Hungarian wandered over to see what all the commotion was about, and we communicated between ourselves in Hebrew, while he and I spoke in Ftench, and Hungarian-Frenchie spoke in English. It was amazing, in a strange way.
- He is psychotic and paranoid, often imagining or inventing things which people (not just me) are saying about him/the French/etc.
It was exhausting. Then New Jersey wandered in, highly bemused. So me, her and Hungary went for a lap around the kibbutz, leaving Frenchie (at last glance) beating up the birdcage in the tree.
When I got back from the walk, the birdcage was lying in small pieces on the ground.
Wednesday 30 September 2009
Saturday 26 September 2009
Day Forty-Two
Wednesday - I began work in the Beit Hacar. It was really great – set with the doggies and goats until 5pm, then me, New Jersey, Aussie girl and Turkmenistan went to Petach Tikva with one of my mates from the farm, to meet the two Londoners for dinner. Then I had a well-earned early night.
Friday – not much, another day in the zoo/farm (in Hebrew, ‘zoo’ is, גן חיית literally the ‘garden of animals’. Farm is בית היכאר – ‘house of...something.’Farm?!). Before going to shul after lighting the Shabbat candles, Aussie girl, New Jersey and I, being the only mitnadvim left on the kibbutz, went completely crazy, breaking out in manic spontaneous dancing and laughter. It was fun and hilarious, but also a little terrifying.
Shabbat – got up late, like 9.30am or so, then the three of us had lunch together which was really nice. After a 3 hour nap, we met again to do some sunbathing on top of the miklat.
Monday – Hungarian returned to kibbutz from his few days excursion to Hungary, and so he and I had a lovely picnic together in the maodon, and then we spoke for like 3 hours. He gave me the lowdown on what the boys were all saying behind closed doors, and it was slightly surprising. Some of it was like a big, slightly sick joke, other bits were hilarious. Then me, him and New Jersey went for a walk around the kibbutz, then sat by the miklat and talked for some more, before I retired - knackered off my face – to bed.
Friday – not much, another day in the zoo/farm (in Hebrew, ‘zoo’ is, גן חיית literally the ‘garden of animals’. Farm is בית היכאר – ‘house of...something.’Farm?!). Before going to shul after lighting the Shabbat candles, Aussie girl, New Jersey and I, being the only mitnadvim left on the kibbutz, went completely crazy, breaking out in manic spontaneous dancing and laughter. It was fun and hilarious, but also a little terrifying.
Shabbat – got up late, like 9.30am or so, then the three of us had lunch together which was really nice. After a 3 hour nap, we met again to do some sunbathing on top of the miklat.
Monday – Hungarian returned to kibbutz from his few days excursion to Hungary, and so he and I had a lovely picnic together in the maodon, and then we spoke for like 3 hours. He gave me the lowdown on what the boys were all saying behind closed doors, and it was slightly surprising. Some of it was like a big, slightly sick joke, other bits were hilarious. Then me, him and New Jersey went for a walk around the kibbutz, then sat by the miklat and talked for some more, before I retired - knackered off my face – to bed.
Day Thirty-Nine
Outside the miklat. A
consolidation of the past ten days –
Thursday – Aussie came
back to the kibbutz!!! The night after my crazy knee-jerk attempt to get to
Lod, he came bearing the gift of Power Espresso Vodka, and then we collapsed
ontop of the miklat. It was also the last day of two of the London girls on the
kibbutz. I’ll miss them too. Then, the next day, Aussie went back to Lod. I
think I might have died a little inside, but that is just as likely the
hangover and sleep deprivation.
Sunday – got up v early
(after getting in at 4am) to go and meet Aussie guy in Haifa, as he is on
hofesh, so I was allowed to take three days off too, so we could go travelling.
The bus journey up was
ok, although I took a downturn when I was suddenly awoken from my nap to
realise we’d already pulled into Haifa tachana merkazit, and that all the other
passengers had already left the bus. Screaming, ‘nahag, nahag, arête
bavakasha!’ (‘driver, driver, stop [French] please!) the driver did an
emergency stop and I fell off the back seat, breaking my fall with my arm and
mashing my legs into the aisle. Oww. Still, at least it proved my reflexes were
quick – it could’ve been worse: I could’ve broken my neck or something!
We met at the Bahai
gardens but, due to various cock-ups between us, arrived 4 minutes late for the
guided tour and so didn't properly see the gardens. We had a quick walk around
– they were beautiful – the headed for the cablecars down (in Hebrish, ‘Cablecars’)
whereupon I remembered I have an extreme dislike of heights, and an intense
fear of cablecars in particular. Then we went to Eliyahu HaNavi’s cave, where
he was supposed to have stopped off and rested before his encounter with the
prophets of Baal (Nach – I think Melachim?) Then we went for a walk, and met
with Aussie guy’s mates from the Home Country.
I tried, I really did, to
get past their accents. And I did, for the most part, until one of his friends,
ordering something, said, ‘look at me’, but it sounded highly reminiscent of a
Kath and Kim saying – ‘look at mooooooy!’ so I had a bit of a snigger.
Knackered, I left Haifa
and got the bus back to Kibbutz.
Monday – another early
start, to meet Aussie in Jeru. We went to the shuk, then caught a bus and
walked around the Hebrew U campus for ever, looking in vain for the fabled
‘Museum on the Seam’. After an hour, we still hadn’t found it, which upset me
because I thought I’d finally get to see it, on this trip. Alas.
From there, we took a bus to the Old City, where we
went to the ‘Tower of David’ museum, which I’ve always always always wanted to
go to, and have walked past a million times without doing so. It was
BRILLIANT. It was more a history of Jerusalem
– from the first stone being laid until the end of the British Empire, and the
establishment of the Medinat Yisrael. Totally worth the 30 shek ticket price!
From there, we met with Holland, Aussie girl and Frenchie, and one of my mates
from London. We had a Bonkers Bagel –
Holland’s first ever bagel – and went to the Kotel.
After I’d had a bit of a daven., I went to sit down
on the wall at the back of the Kotel enclosure with my friend. We were sitting
and chatting etc...and I was idly looking around, taking in the splendour of
the Kotel itself, when I saw a man, strangely dressed, walk by with a woman.
Could Noel Fielding really be at the Kotel? Surely not, I thought.
I decided to walk along behind the man for a bit, and see if he spoke. Then
if it wasn’t him, I’d drop back and life would continue as normal. I didn't
plan for what might happen if it was him.
It was him.
I can’t remember the encounter entirely, due to the massive adrenaline rush
at the time, but I remembered I did not have a camera, so I ran (in the Kotel
enclosure!!) back to Holland, to schlep her over to take loadsa photos of me
and him. It turned out his friend – the woman next to him – was Jewish and
invited him to Israel for a bit, and hence he was here. How awesome. We were
talking for about ten minutes, and I told him I’d been trying again and again
to bring The Boosh to the Australians – indeed, my impressions of Old Greg,
particularly when anyone mentioned Baileys, often left them looking puzzled and
concerned for my general mental health. I even nearly got invited to go drinking
with him in Tel Aviv on Shabbat!!
Then, buzzing, we went to Mamilla, before I met up
with an old friend for a pancake – was really great to see him! – and then we
all went back to the kibbutz.
Thursday – Aussie and I
decided not to schlep to Ein Gedi, so we went to Yafo instead. The markets
weren’t as interesting as I remembered, but I still had a really nice time. I
randomly bought a drum, for reasons only
partly known to myself, other than I’ve always really wanted one, and Aussie
guy – bless – schlepped it for me, the whole day. Then we walked from Yafo to
Tel Aviv, and had a Burger King. We also
went to the Azrielli center, as one of my mates from London said he’d meet us
there. Two hours later, and no progress on this, we called it a day and went
home.
Hat was the first night
the kibbutz stopped providing food for the mitnadvim at dinner, so we had pizza
out. It was surprisingly very good.
Day Twenty-Nine. Rosh Chodesh.
In a continuation of the last entry, for reasons I’ll get onto in a minute.
I can’t really remember Monday, but I’m sure something significant happened. Maybe it was that Holland, Aussie guy and I fed the baby cows, and got a tour from Hull guy around the Refet. The feeding was quite surreal, as all but one cow was lined up to be sold for veal. It was as if I was playing with my food before I ate it.
On Tuesday, I had my Teach First Brand Manager interview over the phone. I sat in the hammock (I have mastered those nicely) by the פילול. The conversation was entirely straightforward and professional, but it struck a certain bizarre sensation in me – I was looking around the kibbutz, talking to two people who would probably never ever fully understand the experiences I was having, and the motivations behind them. It really brought out the dichotomy I feel in being primarily Jewish in England, yet primarily English in Israel. In that 45 minute conversation, I think I must have decided that the latter was better. As such, I’m 90% certain that Aliya is on the cards. Sooner maybe than I thought initially.
On Monday night, Aussie guy and girl, me and Holland also made Jello shots, which were absolutely vile. Then, with Aussie guy’s new video camera, we attempted to make a ‘wildlife documentary’ about Boston guy. However, wishing to catch him unawares, he was remarkably difficult to catch footage of. So we switched our focus to New York guy, attempting to seduce him. Starring – who else? – me as the seductress.
As it happens, when presented with an object of seduction, I’m pretty much – if not entirely, completely – useless. This is because, Aussie guy believes, I’m crap at flirting, recognising intent and interest, and become cripplingly shy (really) when interest is declared. However, New York was, bless him, almost entirely bewildered by the encounter as I was uncomfortable – from his perspective, I’m guessing, this must have al come as quite an abrupt shock – we’d hung out loads one on one, without anything happening, and then suddenly this awkward encounter! We had spent extensive time making it known that I was slightly drunk (which I wasn’t at all), and so he seemed hesitant and pensive on taking up my generous offer.
And thank G-d – because if he’d made a move on me, down in the secluded environs of the underground miklat, he is freakishly strong, I’ve discovered. Last night, he tackled both me to the ground, winding me at one point by punching me in the stomach til I couldn’t breathe, and bouncing my head off the ground. Later, after I’d regained a bit of strength, he pinned Aussie girl to the floor, at which point I launched myself onto his back, and seconds later both me and Aussie girl were pinned to the ground, on our backs. As such, I could’ve ended up in a very bad situation, had he not been so confused by this sudden change of events. At least the video of the encounter was hilariously funny.
Then, the next day, as New York struggled to talk about what had almost happened between us to someone, he unfortunately picked all the wrong people – the Australians, who were in on it – and we all pretended nothing had happened, and he’d clearly just imagined everything. So, as he internally questioned the ethics of no-strings attached drunken flings between mitnadvim, we all looked at him like he’d finally lost it, having been on the kibbutz for 3 months or so.
On Tuesday night, the Australians and I discovered a new drink which we hadn’t yet tried – ‘Power Espresso Vodka’. Coffee liqueur – strong one, at that – with equally strong vodka. The salient facts are these – it gets you off your face, but also keeps you awake for quite a long time! Therefore, one can be completely plastered AND awake, something I haven’t experienced in a very, very long time. It was AWESOME. The next day, possibly due to the amount of drinking I’ve been doing/sleeping regularly on the miklat/being beaten up a lot, I took the day off. After lunch, Aussie guy and I went to Tel-Aviv to meet with one of my friends from London. We had a coffee, went to Shuk HaCarmel, then met with my friend. It was really nice to see her – a really nice day in all. Then last night, Aussie left.
After writing that semi-entry, and bingeeating so much that I felt really sick, I went slightly nuts. Aussie phoned me, I think possibly having epic withdrawals from suddenly not spending time together, and said there were still, at this late hour, sheruts to Lod. So, having had very little sleep and evidently acting on some kind of crazy impulse, I ran to the bus stop. However, after the adrenaline rush died, two minutes later, I realised two things – 1. There is FA to do in Lod, and 2. I would have no way of getting back to the kibbutz. So I returned to the kibbutz. Still, at least I had a nice walk before bed.
Today is Rosh Chodesh, so today in the Cheder Ochel there are chocolatey beverages alongside the coffee machine. I sampled two of them – we all did – and this is probably why I feel so sick right now.
It’s weird, I really do miss Aussie. I really didn't think I would get so attached to the people here, so this has taken me by surprise somewhat.
I can’t really remember Monday, but I’m sure something significant happened. Maybe it was that Holland, Aussie guy and I fed the baby cows, and got a tour from Hull guy around the Refet. The feeding was quite surreal, as all but one cow was lined up to be sold for veal. It was as if I was playing with my food before I ate it.
On Tuesday, I had my Teach First Brand Manager interview over the phone. I sat in the hammock (I have mastered those nicely) by the פילול. The conversation was entirely straightforward and professional, but it struck a certain bizarre sensation in me – I was looking around the kibbutz, talking to two people who would probably never ever fully understand the experiences I was having, and the motivations behind them. It really brought out the dichotomy I feel in being primarily Jewish in England, yet primarily English in Israel. In that 45 minute conversation, I think I must have decided that the latter was better. As such, I’m 90% certain that Aliya is on the cards. Sooner maybe than I thought initially.
On Monday night, Aussie guy and girl, me and Holland also made Jello shots, which were absolutely vile. Then, with Aussie guy’s new video camera, we attempted to make a ‘wildlife documentary’ about Boston guy. However, wishing to catch him unawares, he was remarkably difficult to catch footage of. So we switched our focus to New York guy, attempting to seduce him. Starring – who else? – me as the seductress.
As it happens, when presented with an object of seduction, I’m pretty much – if not entirely, completely – useless. This is because, Aussie guy believes, I’m crap at flirting, recognising intent and interest, and become cripplingly shy (really) when interest is declared. However, New York was, bless him, almost entirely bewildered by the encounter as I was uncomfortable – from his perspective, I’m guessing, this must have al come as quite an abrupt shock – we’d hung out loads one on one, without anything happening, and then suddenly this awkward encounter! We had spent extensive time making it known that I was slightly drunk (which I wasn’t at all), and so he seemed hesitant and pensive on taking up my generous offer.
And thank G-d – because if he’d made a move on me, down in the secluded environs of the underground miklat, he is freakishly strong, I’ve discovered. Last night, he tackled both me to the ground, winding me at one point by punching me in the stomach til I couldn’t breathe, and bouncing my head off the ground. Later, after I’d regained a bit of strength, he pinned Aussie girl to the floor, at which point I launched myself onto his back, and seconds later both me and Aussie girl were pinned to the ground, on our backs. As such, I could’ve ended up in a very bad situation, had he not been so confused by this sudden change of events. At least the video of the encounter was hilariously funny.
Then, the next day, as New York struggled to talk about what had almost happened between us to someone, he unfortunately picked all the wrong people – the Australians, who were in on it – and we all pretended nothing had happened, and he’d clearly just imagined everything. So, as he internally questioned the ethics of no-strings attached drunken flings between mitnadvim, we all looked at him like he’d finally lost it, having been on the kibbutz for 3 months or so.
On Tuesday night, the Australians and I discovered a new drink which we hadn’t yet tried – ‘Power Espresso Vodka’. Coffee liqueur – strong one, at that – with equally strong vodka. The salient facts are these – it gets you off your face, but also keeps you awake for quite a long time! Therefore, one can be completely plastered AND awake, something I haven’t experienced in a very, very long time. It was AWESOME. The next day, possibly due to the amount of drinking I’ve been doing/sleeping regularly on the miklat/being beaten up a lot, I took the day off. After lunch, Aussie guy and I went to Tel-Aviv to meet with one of my friends from London. We had a coffee, went to Shuk HaCarmel, then met with my friend. It was really nice to see her – a really nice day in all. Then last night, Aussie left.
After writing that semi-entry, and bingeeating so much that I felt really sick, I went slightly nuts. Aussie phoned me, I think possibly having epic withdrawals from suddenly not spending time together, and said there were still, at this late hour, sheruts to Lod. So, having had very little sleep and evidently acting on some kind of crazy impulse, I ran to the bus stop. However, after the adrenaline rush died, two minutes later, I realised two things – 1. There is FA to do in Lod, and 2. I would have no way of getting back to the kibbutz. So I returned to the kibbutz. Still, at least I had a nice walk before bed.
Today is Rosh Chodesh, so today in the Cheder Ochel there are chocolatey beverages alongside the coffee machine. I sampled two of them – we all did – and this is probably why I feel so sick right now.
It’s weird, I really do miss Aussie. I really didn't think I would get so attached to the people here, so this has taken me by surprise somewhat.
Day Twenty-Eight
Am sitting outside the miklat, bingeating. Or the first time since I’ve got here, I’m tangibly unhappy, for today, both Aussie guy and New York guy left the kibbutz.
Shabbat was nice – I played ‘Risk’ ( B’Ivrit (סוכין – with two of the London girls, Aussie guy and Frenchie, then did toranut after Shabbat with my boss from the machleva, New York, Frenchie and Aussie girl. I wholeheartedly despise toranut. It’s just such a letdown after such a wonderful Shabbat experience – it’s an ominous omen, always lurking in the future, and looming ever closer. The first time I did it, it wasn’t so terrible, but the second time I’ve done it in the month since I’ve been here (mitnadvim usually only do it once within two months or so) made me feel the despair it is to be human. It must be down to the people who do toranut with you, because the first time was a lot more fun. It was bearable, at least.
Shabbat was nice – I played ‘Risk’ ( B’Ivrit (סוכין – with two of the London girls, Aussie guy and Frenchie, then did toranut after Shabbat with my boss from the machleva, New York, Frenchie and Aussie girl. I wholeheartedly despise toranut. It’s just such a letdown after such a wonderful Shabbat experience – it’s an ominous omen, always lurking in the future, and looming ever closer. The first time I did it, it wasn’t so terrible, but the second time I’ve done it in the month since I’ve been here (mitnadvim usually only do it once within two months or so) made me feel the despair it is to be human. It must be down to the people who do toranut with you, because the first time was a lot more fun. It was bearable, at least.
Sunday was back to work in the machleva, then me and two of the London girls went swimming.
I am so bored and kind of upset too.
Friday 25 September 2009
Day Twenty-Three
Outside the miklat again, it's a few hours before Shabbat.
I've thought about it a lot, and drawn up loads of lists, pitting the 'fun' ratio against the 'pain/discomfort' ratio of working in the machleva, and I think I'm going to ask to be transferred to work at the zoo. I've spent everyday of the past two weeks there for a few hours, sitting in the dog cage and playing with the dogs and goats and sheep. I also fed the snakes... it's been quite a while since I've done that. In the tray of mice (to feed them), we discovered there was a newborn baby mouse - it was pink and wrinkly and tiny.
Anyhoo, the mother mouse was guarding it, whereupon another mouse tried to snatch it, so the mother began devouring her baby. Then the other mice all tried to get in on the snackage, and soon we found ourselves looking at a headless, limbless baby 'mouse'. It was a total blood orgy. Trying to right the situation, or at least mete out a nice bit of punishment, I selected the mother who began the cannibalism as the next to be fed to the snakes. Message: Do not eat your newborn.
Aussie guy and I spent Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, last night and probably tonight as well, getting drunk on top of the miklat. This is because it is so stiflingly hot in our rooms (there is no mazgan - aircon) that we reasoned it works out as more fun and economical (once you cost in the leisure/social aspect) to get rather drunk on wine, for me at least, until one falls asleep. Three days this week I've awoken on top of the miklat at 6.50am, which is about the time I get up for work anyway, having had a full night's sleep. It's surprisingly better this way - sure I wake up all achey and painful from sleeping on concrete, but at least this way I don't wake up choking on the heat, six or seven times a night. But maybe all the drinking is why time is passing so quickly here?
Yesterday I went to the kolbi to buy handsoap for the bathroom, and even though everyone around me was buying stuff, I was told I specifically couldn't and not given any reason. Upon (politely) enquiring further regarding this, I was shouted at - that I would have to wait to have a shower (who on earth showers with handsoap?? or maybe he smelt the milk??) mayeb I angered him, for then he threw a phone at me, while shouting manically in Hebrew!
Needless to say I was slightly alarmed. Everyone else in the shop continued as if nothing happened, or was happening. I began to wonder if I was really existing, or if this was some wine-induced epic dream...
At this point, a nice woman in the queue explained that the computers were down, and I should probably leave. Maybe this goes to show that sometimes an OCD approach to cleanliness isn't good - this and my first day in the mitbach are a testimony to that.
I've thought about it a lot, and drawn up loads of lists, pitting the 'fun' ratio against the 'pain/discomfort' ratio of working in the machleva, and I think I'm going to ask to be transferred to work at the zoo. I've spent everyday of the past two weeks there for a few hours, sitting in the dog cage and playing with the dogs and goats and sheep. I also fed the snakes... it's been quite a while since I've done that. In the tray of mice (to feed them), we discovered there was a newborn baby mouse - it was pink and wrinkly and tiny.
Anyhoo, the mother mouse was guarding it, whereupon another mouse tried to snatch it, so the mother began devouring her baby. Then the other mice all tried to get in on the snackage, and soon we found ourselves looking at a headless, limbless baby 'mouse'. It was a total blood orgy. Trying to right the situation, or at least mete out a nice bit of punishment, I selected the mother who began the cannibalism as the next to be fed to the snakes. Message: Do not eat your newborn.
Aussie guy and I spent Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, last night and probably tonight as well, getting drunk on top of the miklat. This is because it is so stiflingly hot in our rooms (there is no mazgan - aircon) that we reasoned it works out as more fun and economical (once you cost in the leisure/social aspect) to get rather drunk on wine, for me at least, until one falls asleep. Three days this week I've awoken on top of the miklat at 6.50am, which is about the time I get up for work anyway, having had a full night's sleep. It's surprisingly better this way - sure I wake up all achey and painful from sleeping on concrete, but at least this way I don't wake up choking on the heat, six or seven times a night. But maybe all the drinking is why time is passing so quickly here?
Yesterday I went to the kolbi to buy handsoap for the bathroom, and even though everyone around me was buying stuff, I was told I specifically couldn't and not given any reason. Upon (politely) enquiring further regarding this, I was shouted at - that I would have to wait to have a shower (who on earth showers with handsoap?? or maybe he smelt the milk??) mayeb I angered him, for then he threw a phone at me, while shouting manically in Hebrew!
Needless to say I was slightly alarmed. Everyone else in the shop continued as if nothing happened, or was happening. I began to wonder if I was really existing, or if this was some wine-induced epic dream...
At this point, a nice woman in the queue explained that the computers were down, and I should probably leave. Maybe this goes to show that sometimes an OCD approach to cleanliness isn't good - this and my first day in the mitbach are a testimony to that.
Thursday 24 September 2009
Day Twenty-One
Am sitting outside the miklat again, as I've just discovered there's a nightlight here, so I can write in peace.
The miklat is actually a nice core of social life, amongst the more nocturnal mitnadvim. New York uses the gym (somewhat obsessively, but as long as he's happy...) inside the miklat for approx 2 hours a day, and we all seem to congregate towards it when we're bored at night. I think soon, once I'm 100% on top form again, I'll try to climb it.
Not much else happening here - have been working in the machleva for 4 days now, and I have come to the conlsuion that I f****** hate milk. It seems to get everywhere - in my hair, on my face - I can smell it for hours and hours after I've finished work, and after I've scrubbed my skin and hair in the shower! i suppose it could be worse - the milky smell might even be endearing, in a weird, subconscious way.
However, I do get to use the milking machine on a daily basis, and it's awesome - I think I'm really getting the hang of it. O course it's not fun when the milk bag I'm sealing splits/falls/has a hole in it, and the milk goes everywhere, mostly all over me, but it's fun all the same. And it's very very quiet in there which is nice - it gives me a lot of time to think. I imagine this would be what retirement is like, although maybe without the crazy amounts of milk.
However I do get cool freebies, which Aussie guy has just pointed out, are predominantly milk-based - such as cheeses, and milk, and which I tend to regurgitate involuntarily and often, but it's the principle of the matter, right? Plus I get to clean out not one but TWO heeeyooooge milk containers - everyday!
The miklat is actually a nice core of social life, amongst the more nocturnal mitnadvim. New York uses the gym (somewhat obsessively, but as long as he's happy...) inside the miklat for approx 2 hours a day, and we all seem to congregate towards it when we're bored at night. I think soon, once I'm 100% on top form again, I'll try to climb it.
Not much else happening here - have been working in the machleva for 4 days now, and I have come to the conlsuion that I f****** hate milk. It seems to get everywhere - in my hair, on my face - I can smell it for hours and hours after I've finished work, and after I've scrubbed my skin and hair in the shower! i suppose it could be worse - the milky smell might even be endearing, in a weird, subconscious way.
However, I do get to use the milking machine on a daily basis, and it's awesome - I think I'm really getting the hang of it. O course it's not fun when the milk bag I'm sealing splits/falls/has a hole in it, and the milk goes everywhere, mostly all over me, but it's fun all the same. And it's very very quiet in there which is nice - it gives me a lot of time to think. I imagine this would be what retirement is like, although maybe without the crazy amounts of milk.
However I do get cool freebies, which Aussie guy has just pointed out, are predominantly milk-based - such as cheeses, and milk, and which I tend to regurgitate involuntarily and often, but it's the principle of the matter, right? Plus I get to clean out not one but TWO heeeyooooge milk containers - everyday!
Day Eighteen
Am sitting on top of the miklat, in the dying sun. It's been a rough few days... I think it's flu. For a few days I was so drugged up...I even fell asleep - in the middle of someone talking to me - during lunch in the Cheder Ochel.
BH am all better now! On Friday, 'A' told me to go home, after I managed to succesfully struggle through the first bit of the morning, then 'B' told us all to take a 1 1/2 hour break during the day and then I ambled back into the Mitbach, feeling worse than ever, and A sent me home. Noice!
So I slept it off, then prepared for Shabbat. Was really nice this week - two meals in the Cheder Ochel then did seuda with two of the Londoners, with loads of ice cream, cake and hummus. It was really, really nice and relaxed, and they didn't seem to mind that I was only half-alive and slumped on the bed throughout - during lunch, I ate a bit then left ASAP for a four hour nap.
As it turned out, leaving ASAP was actually leaving early, before everyone in the Cheder Ochel said zimun, infact, so despite us having benched already and so thinking it was ok to leave (some of us being highly drugged), it wasn't really, in the eyes and manners of kibbutz protocols/minhagim.
Later, during Maariv, the same lady who the week before had made a point of singing extra loudly (down Hungarian's ear at Shabbat lunch, in order to emphasise that we too should be singing) came up to us and very publicly (and VERY LOUDLY TOO) admonished us for being so disrespectful, and leaving before benching. My later reaction would have been to do a very over-hyped impression of Mel Brooks and mutter something about 'acting like the goyim', but I didn't really have the strength.
Instead, I calmly (very calmly - it must have been impossible to muster any passion with the amount of Nurofen cold and flu/paracetomol/etc that was in my system) explained that, actually, my friends were doing a mitzva because I was ill and they had to pretty much schlep me all the way back to my room. She replied that, if I was that ill, what was I doing in the beit knesset, and not in bed?
Now, I believe there were two possible insinuations here - 1. if I was so ill, surely I shouldn't be in beit knesset, if I was well anough to be there but not stay half an hour longer for group benching, 2. If I wasn't datia enough to stay an extra half hour for zemirot and zimun on Shabbat, why would I then be able to be in beit knesset? However, ignoring all of this and just wanting to get back to bed, I told her that I hadn't been to beit knesset yet on Shabbat, and I was making an extra effort to be there for havdala, having slept through the morning services. She merely harrumphed, turned and walked off. So I'm guessing I sort of had the last word. I don't know the verbal jousting rules of kibbutz yet, but I probably won the moral victory.
Today I started work in the machleva (dairy). It hurst my throat quite a lot just being in there and around the milk and cheese. But work finishes approx 1-1 1/2 hours earlier than the mitbach, so I'll keep at it.
After work, I went and bought loadsa cake ingredients, because it's New Jersey (although she's not on kibbutz for a week) and Aussie guy's bdays, so me, Holland and two Londons came with me to E's house, where we baked an epic cake, which we'll surprise Aussie with later. We're having a party, with a film and drinks and now a cake too. Chocolate cake.
BH am all better now! On Friday, 'A' told me to go home, after I managed to succesfully struggle through the first bit of the morning, then 'B' told us all to take a 1 1/2 hour break during the day and then I ambled back into the Mitbach, feeling worse than ever, and A sent me home. Noice!
So I slept it off, then prepared for Shabbat. Was really nice this week - two meals in the Cheder Ochel then did seuda with two of the Londoners, with loads of ice cream, cake and hummus. It was really, really nice and relaxed, and they didn't seem to mind that I was only half-alive and slumped on the bed throughout - during lunch, I ate a bit then left ASAP for a four hour nap.
As it turned out, leaving ASAP was actually leaving early, before everyone in the Cheder Ochel said zimun, infact, so despite us having benched already and so thinking it was ok to leave (some of us being highly drugged), it wasn't really, in the eyes and manners of kibbutz protocols/minhagim.
Later, during Maariv, the same lady who the week before had made a point of singing extra loudly (down Hungarian's ear at Shabbat lunch, in order to emphasise that we too should be singing) came up to us and very publicly (and VERY LOUDLY TOO) admonished us for being so disrespectful, and leaving before benching. My later reaction would have been to do a very over-hyped impression of Mel Brooks and mutter something about 'acting like the goyim', but I didn't really have the strength.
Instead, I calmly (very calmly - it must have been impossible to muster any passion with the amount of Nurofen cold and flu/paracetomol/etc that was in my system) explained that, actually, my friends were doing a mitzva because I was ill and they had to pretty much schlep me all the way back to my room. She replied that, if I was that ill, what was I doing in the beit knesset, and not in bed?
Now, I believe there were two possible insinuations here - 1. if I was so ill, surely I shouldn't be in beit knesset, if I was well anough to be there but not stay half an hour longer for group benching, 2. If I wasn't datia enough to stay an extra half hour for zemirot and zimun on Shabbat, why would I then be able to be in beit knesset? However, ignoring all of this and just wanting to get back to bed, I told her that I hadn't been to beit knesset yet on Shabbat, and I was making an extra effort to be there for havdala, having slept through the morning services. She merely harrumphed, turned and walked off. So I'm guessing I sort of had the last word. I don't know the verbal jousting rules of kibbutz yet, but I probably won the moral victory.
Today I started work in the machleva (dairy). It hurst my throat quite a lot just being in there and around the milk and cheese. But work finishes approx 1-1 1/2 hours earlier than the mitbach, so I'll keep at it.
After work, I went and bought loadsa cake ingredients, because it's New Jersey (although she's not on kibbutz for a week) and Aussie guy's bdays, so me, Holland and two Londons came with me to E's house, where we baked an epic cake, which we'll surprise Aussie with later. We're having a party, with a film and drinks and now a cake too. Chocolate cake.
Wednesday 23 September 2009
Day Fifteen
Am in my room. I'm not well. One of my roomies had a nasty cough and cold, and managed to pass it on to me. Last night I didn't sleep well cos it was so hot I couldn't breathe through either my nose or mouth, so just kinda sat awake all night, gasping for air. This morning, I had to go to the nearest town to get to the pharmacy - I arrived at 8am, and it didn't open until 9am. I had no book or Ipod, so I consequently sat there and waited, with nothing but my imagination. It was actually quite a nice change from all the hustle and bustle of the kibbutz!
Otherwise, stuff is fine: I just realised it's now been over two weeks since I arrived, and I've clearly survived here, even left a legacy - A and Aussie, in the kitchen, were both wearing gloves to handle raw chicken!
However there is other drama in the kitchen - Aussie girl has already been kicked out for not taking work seriously enough.
Otherwise, Aussie guy, Hungarian and I went to the kanyon hagadol, and it was the first time I'd properly been off the kibbutz, and I was rather overwhelmed by it all - everything was so big and shiny and crazy, and there were so many people...!There is a kosher McDonalds there, and also a froyo (I sampled the latter. Obviously!)
So I've survived - I'll try another two weeks here, and see how that goes.
Otherwise, stuff is fine: I just realised it's now been over two weeks since I arrived, and I've clearly survived here, even left a legacy - A and Aussie, in the kitchen, were both wearing gloves to handle raw chicken!
However there is other drama in the kitchen - Aussie girl has already been kicked out for not taking work seriously enough.
Otherwise, Aussie guy, Hungarian and I went to the kanyon hagadol, and it was the first time I'd properly been off the kibbutz, and I was rather overwhelmed by it all - everything was so big and shiny and crazy, and there were so many people...!There is a kosher McDonalds there, and also a froyo (I sampled the latter. Obviously!)
So I've survived - I'll try another two weeks here, and see how that goes.
Tuesday 22 September 2009
Day Thirteen
Have found a new place to sit, where practically noone can see me - on top of the miklat (bomb shelter)- it's very nice and cool and peaceful up here!
Tisha B'av was surprisingly ok - a little bit difficult in the morning (but then again, I don't have any English tea bags with me here, so what really is the point of breakfast at all nowadays?) but then a few of us sat in the Maodon and chatted for a few hours in the mazgan - aircon - then watched Shrek and Mrs Doubtfire in the afternoon until the fast went out. At least it went out early here - in the UK I'd be fasting for another 2 hours!!
Friday saw nothing remarkable happening - I was back at work, but I went back to the P famille for Friday Night dinner. I actually had the best, most funnest time at their house. The best time, in fact, that I've ever had anywhere, ever, at anyone's house in Israel on a Friday night. It was very comfortable and welcoming!
After dinner, New York, Aussie and I had to smuggle back down a mattress we'd put on top of the miklat, and which had been reported missing. It was blamed on me, of course, even though it wasn't actually my doing.
Shabbat - chaos erupted as, on Friday night, Boston guy rubbed Aussie up the wrong way regarding sleeping with the door of their room open. New York, who is the third guy in their room, stayed out of it totally. Later, Boston declared his intentions towards Turkmenistan girl. Needless to say, during the week, it didn't end well, as Turkmenistan decided the 'relationship' wasn't really her thing, while Boston fought with himself internally as to whether or not he sould break his shomer negiya by holding her hand (in the end, he didn't even get the chance). Meanwhile, on motzei Shabbat, Boston declared his belief that I wanted to sleep with him, whereby I promptly corrected him, and he went crazy and ran off, huffily muttering to himself.
I was sitting there, by the miklat, with New York and Aussie, waiting for the others to return from Toranut, and I was very confused regarding what had just happened - after all, hadn't I only been honest/corrected him to the truth? But no. New York explained it like this:
He had a point, I wouldn't like that at all. But then again, Boston must know the difference between knowing something (for instance, that if I met Johnny Depp, he wouldn't actually go for me) and stating something (for instance the actual, verbal rejection). And also, how was I meant to know that??
Anyway, Boston later returned and stated he is entirely convinced that I'm secretly trying to sleep with him. I think he'll be waiting for that one for a while yet.
On Sunday, I took the day off and went to Jerusalem to meet up with Boston girl, who'd been there for Shabbat. We were there in the morning, then went to TLV int he afternoon, where Aussie came and met us, and we went to the beach for a few hours. Then we went to Mike's Place for a drink, and I had my old favourite, got crazily drunk because I'd forgotten to eat/the heat/the alcohol, and then suddenly I found myself in the airport, having a kosher Maccy D's - my first in a year! It was amazing!
When we got home, and I'd sobered up considerably, we met two newly-arrived mitnadvim - France guy, 26, and Aussie girl, 18, friend of Aussie guy.
Maybe it was that I just got used to the Australian accent, but her accent wasn't as initially arresting as Aussie guy's was. Nevertheless, she seemed ok to talk to, if a little talkative, but maybe I was just tired and coming down from my high.
Tisha B'av was surprisingly ok - a little bit difficult in the morning (but then again, I don't have any English tea bags with me here, so what really is the point of breakfast at all nowadays?) but then a few of us sat in the Maodon and chatted for a few hours in the mazgan - aircon - then watched Shrek and Mrs Doubtfire in the afternoon until the fast went out. At least it went out early here - in the UK I'd be fasting for another 2 hours!!
Friday saw nothing remarkable happening - I was back at work, but I went back to the P famille for Friday Night dinner. I actually had the best, most funnest time at their house. The best time, in fact, that I've ever had anywhere, ever, at anyone's house in Israel on a Friday night. It was very comfortable and welcoming!
After dinner, New York, Aussie and I had to smuggle back down a mattress we'd put on top of the miklat, and which had been reported missing. It was blamed on me, of course, even though it wasn't actually my doing.
Shabbat - chaos erupted as, on Friday night, Boston guy rubbed Aussie up the wrong way regarding sleeping with the door of their room open. New York, who is the third guy in their room, stayed out of it totally. Later, Boston declared his intentions towards Turkmenistan girl. Needless to say, during the week, it didn't end well, as Turkmenistan decided the 'relationship' wasn't really her thing, while Boston fought with himself internally as to whether or not he sould break his shomer negiya by holding her hand (in the end, he didn't even get the chance). Meanwhile, on motzei Shabbat, Boston declared his belief that I wanted to sleep with him, whereby I promptly corrected him, and he went crazy and ran off, huffily muttering to himself.
I was sitting there, by the miklat, with New York and Aussie, waiting for the others to return from Toranut, and I was very confused regarding what had just happened - after all, hadn't I only been honest/corrected him to the truth? But no. New York explained it like this:
Imagine a celebrity that you really, really like [Johnny Depp]. Now imagine that, one day you see Johnny Depp out and about, and you go up to talk to him, and you think you're in with a chance. Then Johnny Depp turns around and says to you, 'I will never ever sleep with you'. How would you feel?
He had a point, I wouldn't like that at all. But then again, Boston must know the difference between knowing something (for instance, that if I met Johnny Depp, he wouldn't actually go for me) and stating something (for instance the actual, verbal rejection). And also, how was I meant to know that??
Anyway, Boston later returned and stated he is entirely convinced that I'm secretly trying to sleep with him. I think he'll be waiting for that one for a while yet.
On Sunday, I took the day off and went to Jerusalem to meet up with Boston girl, who'd been there for Shabbat. We were there in the morning, then went to TLV int he afternoon, where Aussie came and met us, and we went to the beach for a few hours. Then we went to Mike's Place for a drink, and I had my old favourite, got crazily drunk because I'd forgotten to eat/the heat/the alcohol, and then suddenly I found myself in the airport, having a kosher Maccy D's - my first in a year! It was amazing!
When we got home, and I'd sobered up considerably, we met two newly-arrived mitnadvim - France guy, 26, and Aussie girl, 18, friend of Aussie guy.
Maybe it was that I just got used to the Australian accent, but her accent wasn't as initially arresting as Aussie guy's was. Nevertheless, she seemed ok to talk to, if a little talkative, but maybe I was just tired and coming down from my high.
Day Seven - 29/7/2009
Tisha B'Av. Yeurgh.
Am in the Cheder Ochel, setting up dinner and waiting for the final meal before the fast. I'm going to look upon the opportunity to fast in crazy heat as a positive and interesting experience, because, to be frummy about it, it's further infliction - I'm guessing the ancestors also had to cope with crazy heat, while the Temple was falling...
On Friday night we adopted a baby kitten that wouldn't leave us alone. I named her 'Rina', because it means 'Joy' or something similar, and our kitten was far from that: skanky, close to death, with a strange 'mew' that was actually closer to a scratchy growl and an eye that looked rather infected. But, since she wouldn't leave us alone, we began feeding her (at first with some leftovers we skanked from Shabbat lunch, then some other stuff) and by this time, she has come to follow us around. So now, Boston girl and I are her new mummies, and her uncle/father (can a kitten, or anyone for that matter, have 3 parents?) is New York guy.
Stuff in the Mitbach has worsened - the manager, 'A', hates me after I attempted to clean everything myself, so when I had a nosebleed (the combined effect both of attempting to adjust to the heat, and also the withdrawals of not getting sufficient tea. It happenes every time) and opted to go and wait it out in the loo, 'A' went nuts at me.
Also, another member of the kitchen tzevet, 'Y', has taken a great dislike to me. he told 'B', my only friend amongst the tzevet, in Hebrew infront of me, that I reminded him of an ugly film actress in this film where she tries - and succeeds - in seducing all the men around her, and that according to him, because I talk to all the mitnadvim - male and female - and also the male workers (what, am I meant to ask what I should be doing by clicks and sign languages? Is that what's considered untnziut now?), I'm trying to seduce all of them too. Then he levelled the accusation that yesterday, i seduced Boston girl to help me in stealing two bottles of fizzy drinks, which in actual fact had been given to the mitnadvim - in full view of everyone - by a kibbutznik who had wandered into the kitchen after an event, looking to dispose of the unused bottles.
Needless to say, I was incredibly upset, and have yet to receive any form of apology from 'Y'. Thief, Liar, Seductress... In a way, it was refreshing, because I've been called a lot of stuff before, but I can honestly say that's the first time anyone's said that stuff.
On top of this, I managed, somehow, to get a huge spider bite on my foot, which got infected and has turned my foot black. How this happened, I do not know, as I am terrified of spiders, and feel sick to my stomach that one of them could have not only bitten me, but that their poison could be at this moment spreading throuhg my foot and putting me in so much pain... Euurggghhh.
I had to see an emergency doctor (at the cost of 450 shek) and now have to take antibiotics, and rub foot ointment into The Bite. Yeeuuuughhhh.
In addition, my mum finally phoned me, for the first time since I got here, and didn't say anything about missing me, oh no. Instead, she had a massive go about my overdraft, of all things. And apparantly I am possibly the only arachnophobe who is silly enough to get bitten - unkowingly, it has to be admitted - by that which she is most afraid of. Psssshhht indeed!
Am in the Cheder Ochel, setting up dinner and waiting for the final meal before the fast. I'm going to look upon the opportunity to fast in crazy heat as a positive and interesting experience, because, to be frummy about it, it's further infliction - I'm guessing the ancestors also had to cope with crazy heat, while the Temple was falling...
Stuff in the Mitbach has worsened - the manager, 'A', hates me after I attempted to clean everything myself, so when I had a nosebleed (the combined effect both of attempting to adjust to the heat, and also the withdrawals of not getting sufficient tea. It happenes every time) and opted to go and wait it out in the loo, 'A' went nuts at me.
Also, another member of the kitchen tzevet, 'Y', has taken a great dislike to me. he told 'B', my only friend amongst the tzevet, in Hebrew infront of me, that I reminded him of an ugly film actress in this film where she tries - and succeeds - in seducing all the men around her, and that according to him, because I talk to all the mitnadvim - male and female - and also the male workers (what, am I meant to ask what I should be doing by clicks and sign languages? Is that what's considered untnziut now?), I'm trying to seduce all of them too. Then he levelled the accusation that yesterday, i seduced Boston girl to help me in stealing two bottles of fizzy drinks, which in actual fact had been given to the mitnadvim - in full view of everyone - by a kibbutznik who had wandered into the kitchen after an event, looking to dispose of the unused bottles.
Needless to say, I was incredibly upset, and have yet to receive any form of apology from 'Y'. Thief, Liar, Seductress... In a way, it was refreshing, because I've been called a lot of stuff before, but I can honestly say that's the first time anyone's said that stuff.
On top of this, I managed, somehow, to get a huge spider bite on my foot, which got infected and has turned my foot black. How this happened, I do not know, as I am terrified of spiders, and feel sick to my stomach that one of them could have not only bitten me, but that their poison could be at this moment spreading throuhg my foot and putting me in so much pain... Euurggghhh.
I had to see an emergency doctor (at the cost of 450 shek) and now have to take antibiotics, and rub foot ointment into The Bite. Yeeuuuughhhh.
In addition, my mum finally phoned me, for the first time since I got here, and didn't say anything about missing me, oh no. Instead, she had a massive go about my overdraft, of all things. And apparantly I am possibly the only arachnophobe who is silly enough to get bitten - unkowingly, it has to be admitted - by that which she is most afraid of. Psssshhht indeed!
Day Four - Sunday, 26/7/09
I have conquered the hammock! I managed to get into it without falling out!
Shabbat was really nice - we ate in the Cheder Ochel for both meals, then we randomly went round to one of the Refet worker's house, the P famille. It was lovely - v clean, nicely decorated, v welcoming, AND the father speaks French! Then, I went with Holland, another mitnadevet, to one of the Gan ladies' house, for seuda shlishit (third meal). Halfway through I got frustrated at the lack of English/loadsa kids running around everywhere, so after the meal I went and did Havdala with the P famille. Was the best Havdala in ages, really made me feel happy!
On Friday night, I discovered another key kibbutz hangout - the 'Maodon' - 'clubhouse', but which I misheard and labelled 'Mordor', as in, 'let's all go hang in Mordor for a bit. I hope the other mitnadvim don;t think I've acquired some kind of weird 'Lord of the Rings' fetish. I may look slightly elfy, but that's about as far as it goes.
Today, I was transferred from the Gan to the Mitbach. It is one of the filthiest, most offensive places to work, but it is fun - there are loads of other mitnadvim in there too. I got into an argument pretty much straight away - upon entering the Mitbach and introducing myself, I then asked, 'are you really going to handle raw chicken without gloves on?'
After the balagan that caused, I decided to keep schtum. And it was probably true, in kibbutz world, that the cockroach I saw (and I know they're everywhere, but still) was 'probably one of the first ever' to grace the walls of the kitchen. Similarly, surgicial gloves appar marks the wearer out as a wimp. If I have to be a hallucinatory wimp, at least I shall be a quiet one.
But for all the grime and ego, the Mitbach is way funner than the Gan.
I should probably, at this point, before my perception of them changes, describe the other mitnadvim:
There's me, obviously,
4 girls from London, who all seem nice,
A bunch of Americans (I suppose it's unavoidable really):
Boston female, who seems nice,
Boston male, who seems strange,
New York male, who seems nice but also a bit strange,
New Jersey female, who's also v sweet but v full of energy,
Hungarian male - we had a cool conversation about books at my first lunch here, but then he ignored me pretty much the whole time after that.
Holland female - seems nice too.
Turkmenistani female - seems very sweet but speaks no English.
Because the 12 of us have spent the past 4 days together, including Shabbat, we've kind of bonded into a group already. A strange, patchworky group, but a group all the same. Then today, 'E', the madricha, brought in a new mitnadev: Australia, a male. He seems ok. The only thing is, he's pretty much the only Australian I've ever met, and what with my 'Kath and Kim'/Australia obsession, this proved rather overexciting for me.
So, as soon as he came up to us at lunch and introduced himself, and us to him, I burst out with 'YOU'RE AUSTRALIAN?? OMG, do you watch 'Kath and Kim'? say all this stuff!'
He doesn't have a 'Kath and Kim' accent, somewhat disappointingly, but sometimes he says stuff which I find hilarious, because it sounds either so generally Australian, or because it sounds like KnK. I shall have to try and take the Aussie more seriously from now. He is a nice person in his own right, but until i gte over the initil overexcitement at hearing the accent, I will have to control myself. I think he will join my crew of Boston female, New York male and myself. 4 is a better number for a gang, now I think about it.
Shabbat was really nice - we ate in the Cheder Ochel for both meals, then we randomly went round to one of the Refet worker's house, the P famille. It was lovely - v clean, nicely decorated, v welcoming, AND the father speaks French! Then, I went with Holland, another mitnadevet, to one of the Gan ladies' house, for seuda shlishit (third meal). Halfway through I got frustrated at the lack of English/loadsa kids running around everywhere, so after the meal I went and did Havdala with the P famille. Was the best Havdala in ages, really made me feel happy!
On Friday night, I discovered another key kibbutz hangout - the 'Maodon' - 'clubhouse', but which I misheard and labelled 'Mordor', as in, 'let's all go hang in Mordor for a bit. I hope the other mitnadvim don;t think I've acquired some kind of weird 'Lord of the Rings' fetish. I may look slightly elfy, but that's about as far as it goes.
Today, I was transferred from the Gan to the Mitbach. It is one of the filthiest, most offensive places to work, but it is fun - there are loads of other mitnadvim in there too. I got into an argument pretty much straight away - upon entering the Mitbach and introducing myself, I then asked, 'are you really going to handle raw chicken without gloves on?'
After the balagan that caused, I decided to keep schtum. And it was probably true, in kibbutz world, that the cockroach I saw (and I know they're everywhere, but still) was 'probably one of the first ever' to grace the walls of the kitchen. Similarly, surgicial gloves appar marks the wearer out as a wimp. If I have to be a hallucinatory wimp, at least I shall be a quiet one.
But for all the grime and ego, the Mitbach is way funner than the Gan.
I should probably, at this point, before my perception of them changes, describe the other mitnadvim:
There's me, obviously,
4 girls from London, who all seem nice,
A bunch of Americans (I suppose it's unavoidable really):
Boston female, who seems nice,
Boston male, who seems strange,
New York male, who seems nice but also a bit strange,
New Jersey female, who's also v sweet but v full of energy,
Hungarian male - we had a cool conversation about books at my first lunch here, but then he ignored me pretty much the whole time after that.
Holland female - seems nice too.
Turkmenistani female - seems very sweet but speaks no English.
Because the 12 of us have spent the past 4 days together, including Shabbat, we've kind of bonded into a group already. A strange, patchworky group, but a group all the same. Then today, 'E', the madricha, brought in a new mitnadev: Australia, a male. He seems ok. The only thing is, he's pretty much the only Australian I've ever met, and what with my 'Kath and Kim'/Australia obsession, this proved rather overexciting for me.
So, as soon as he came up to us at lunch and introduced himself, and us to him, I burst out with 'YOU'RE AUSTRALIAN?? OMG, do you watch 'Kath and Kim'? say all this stuff!'
He doesn't have a 'Kath and Kim' accent, somewhat disappointingly, but sometimes he says stuff which I find hilarious, because it sounds either so generally Australian, or because it sounds like KnK. I shall have to try and take the Aussie more seriously from now. He is a nice person in his own right, but until i gte over the initil overexcitement at hearing the accent, I will have to control myself. I think he will join my crew of Boston female, New York male and myself. 4 is a better number for a gang, now I think about it.
Day Two - Friday, 24/7/09
Last night it was so hot in my room that I couldn;t sleep. or raher, I slept from 9.30pm until 11pm, wherupon I went to sit outside, where it was much cooler, with Boston girl, another mitnadevet here. I talked to her for half an hour, then went back to bed and slept til 6.30am, before getting up and going to the Cheder Ochel (dining room, literally, 'room of food')before ambling off to work at 8am.
I was placed in the Gan, for 3-4 year olds. None of the kids or staff spoke any English.
Unfortunately, my limited Hebrew doesn't extend to medical lexicon, nor does it include anything about cuddly toys or makebelieve creatures. My Hebrew is also nowhere near good enough to decipher tantrums and heated accusations levelled at one child to another, through a thick sheet of tears and screams.
It could have been worse though - althouhg the language barrier was ridiculous, even dangerous, the kids were really sweet - these two twins refused to leave me alone, and the little boy, 'I', kept doing little dances for me, and singing along to the music. Then we made challah, and I helped the kids, and the woman in charge gave me one I'd made with 4 strands to take home.
I think I'll be asked to be put somwhere else. The work satisfaction - energy spent ratio is not very good. Also I have no idea what's going on around 80% of the time.
My work clothes consist of various Tshirts, and a pair of very baggy boys trousers (they had no skirts). Still, it's the first time I've worn trousers in a very long time. I'm actually relishing it!
And so to the Sabbath preparations. Now it comes to it I realise that I have little to no idea how one gets out of a hammock, other than falling out of it, but that hurts a lot.
I was placed in the Gan, for 3-4 year olds. None of the kids or staff spoke any English.
Unfortunately, my limited Hebrew doesn't extend to medical lexicon, nor does it include anything about cuddly toys or makebelieve creatures. My Hebrew is also nowhere near good enough to decipher tantrums and heated accusations levelled at one child to another, through a thick sheet of tears and screams.
It could have been worse though - althouhg the language barrier was ridiculous, even dangerous, the kids were really sweet - these two twins refused to leave me alone, and the little boy, 'I', kept doing little dances for me, and singing along to the music. Then we made challah, and I helped the kids, and the woman in charge gave me one I'd made with 4 strands to take home.
I think I'll be asked to be put somwhere else. The work satisfaction - energy spent ratio is not very good. Also I have no idea what's going on around 80% of the time.
My work clothes consist of various Tshirts, and a pair of very baggy boys trousers (they had no skirts). Still, it's the first time I've worn trousers in a very long time. I'm actually relishing it!
And so to the Sabbath preparations. Now it comes to it I realise that I have little to no idea how one gets out of a hammock, other than falling out of it, but that hurts a lot.
Day One - 23/7/09
I arrived at the Kibbutz at about 6am; it was already stiflingly hot outside - humid, rather than hot hot.
I was absolutely knackered, having deliberately had a very busy day before in order that I could sleep on the overnight flight, therefore keeping my body clock somewhat to normal timings.
That was before i found myself sitting next to a bitchy queen from south London.
'F', as we shall call him, seemed incapable of keeping any information about himself, to himself. He told me the ins and outs of his life - from his first year of uni until a job interview the day before, via his internship in LA. It turned out that he found himself on the plane to Tel Aviv because he had been made redundant from said internship, as a result of the Reccession, but he was glad of this because it had forced a final decision upon him.
I suspected a lot of it was pure BS, but whatver made him happy... what didn't make me happy was that he kept interrupting my attempts to sleep and watch the inflight film - literally prodding me awake or lifting up my earphones at some points - to tell me some further facts about himself and his future plans. When I - chas vashalom - interrupted him to ask if he knew what shomer negiya was, and upon admitting that he wasn't Jewish and so didn't, I took the time to explain it, hoping he would get the hint and possibly leave me alone. He didn't, and so I sat with one ear full of 'I Love You, Man' and one full of 'F'.
So here I am, on kibbutz. I don't know what I was expecting, but I wasn't expecting much. I have that similar feeling to last year - utter despair, mixed with ruthless determination, surrounded by crazy heat, trying to adjust whilst having had very little sleep. Let's face it - I'm all alone here, in a foreign environment with my basic Hebrew and in a place I've never been before, and I'm very, very tired and disorientated.
It seems the whole experience could go either way - I could really like it, but it's too early to tell. I could hate it, and try to stick it out for at least 6 weeks...then, if I do come home two weeks early, I still would have had a good shot at it. I'll give it two weeks at least - that'll bring me up to the time when all my friends start dribbling into Israel, so maybe that'll make it more bearable, and then I'll take a view from there.
I'm not working today because I only arrived this morning. The Madricha says I'll be working tomorrow, either with the kids in the Gan (Kindergaten) or in the Mitbach (Kitchen). I'm quite excited - there is a certain thrill at being on the cusp of the unknown and uncertainty - I wonder what the next few months will bring me? However, on the downside, and to be realist - I've little to sod all money, no sense of how to get anywhere from here, and appar all female volunteers on kibbutz get fat.
I'm going to go explore the kibbutz.
I was absolutely knackered, having deliberately had a very busy day before in order that I could sleep on the overnight flight, therefore keeping my body clock somewhat to normal timings.
That was before i found myself sitting next to a bitchy queen from south London.
'F', as we shall call him, seemed incapable of keeping any information about himself, to himself. He told me the ins and outs of his life - from his first year of uni until a job interview the day before, via his internship in LA. It turned out that he found himself on the plane to Tel Aviv because he had been made redundant from said internship, as a result of the Reccession, but he was glad of this because it had forced a final decision upon him.
I suspected a lot of it was pure BS, but whatver made him happy... what didn't make me happy was that he kept interrupting my attempts to sleep and watch the inflight film - literally prodding me awake or lifting up my earphones at some points - to tell me some further facts about himself and his future plans. When I - chas vashalom - interrupted him to ask if he knew what shomer negiya was, and upon admitting that he wasn't Jewish and so didn't, I took the time to explain it, hoping he would get the hint and possibly leave me alone. He didn't, and so I sat with one ear full of 'I Love You, Man' and one full of 'F'.
So here I am, on kibbutz. I don't know what I was expecting, but I wasn't expecting much. I have that similar feeling to last year - utter despair, mixed with ruthless determination, surrounded by crazy heat, trying to adjust whilst having had very little sleep. Let's face it - I'm all alone here, in a foreign environment with my basic Hebrew and in a place I've never been before, and I'm very, very tired and disorientated.
It seems the whole experience could go either way - I could really like it, but it's too early to tell. I could hate it, and try to stick it out for at least 6 weeks...then, if I do come home two weeks early, I still would have had a good shot at it. I'll give it two weeks at least - that'll bring me up to the time when all my friends start dribbling into Israel, so maybe that'll make it more bearable, and then I'll take a view from there.
I'm not working today because I only arrived this morning. The Madricha says I'll be working tomorrow, either with the kids in the Gan (Kindergaten) or in the Mitbach (Kitchen). I'm quite excited - there is a certain thrill at being on the cusp of the unknown and uncertainty - I wonder what the next few months will bring me? However, on the downside, and to be realist - I've little to sod all money, no sense of how to get anywhere from here, and appar all female volunteers on kibbutz get fat.
I'm going to go explore the kibbutz.
Thursday 17 September 2009
ברוכים הבאים! - Bruchim Habaim! - Welcome!
ברוכים הבאים!
Welcome to my blog - a catalogue of my two months in Israel (and BH beyond too) which I spent on a kibbutz in Israel.
Firstly, a few disclaimers:
1) Everything you read here is entirely truthful: outrageous or outlandish as some of it may sound. It's a different world out there. Really.
2) This blog does not seek to cause harm or offence, merely to tell it how it really was/is, as I saw/see it happening.
3) This blog does not seek to provide a political/racial/religious standpoint or opinion. It is literally just a retelling of the experience(s) I had/will have as a volunteer in Eretz Yisrael. Don't read too much into it, metaphorically or allegorically.
Now that's over with, a further introduction:
'The Mitnadevet' ('female volunteer' in Hebrew), as I came to be known, began this journey in July 2009, uncertain, unprepared and unaware of what was going to go down. To be honest, I didn't have a burning desire to farm the land or G-d knows what, mostly I just really liked the idea of spending as much time as possible in Israel (with comparitively little cost) but also for the experience itself, which I'd never had and wanted to try it before continuing my humdrum little life back in London, and writing it up in the 'Book of Experiences' in my head. I believed that my summer on kibbutz would be calm and peaceful, allowing me a lot of time to read all the books which I'd been consistently accumulating throughout my degree, to relax after a stressful final year and also to get that pesky novel out of my head/scraps of paper and onto the computer screen, finally.
None of this actually happened.
Because when I got to kibbutz, I realised that, everywhere I went, I was surrounded by people. And animals. Cows, cats, farm animals, lizards and petrukim (cockroaches). And as such, I was just another one of the new crowd, taking up space wherever I went, literally just another 'Mitnadevet' amongst the mitnadvim ('volunteers'). And people don't take kindly to mitnadvim taking a book out in the Cheder Ochel - communal dining room - at mealtimes, or disappearing off to their (shared) room to write stuff up. Instead, we would all spend our leisure time together, talking, drinking, smoking and more. And time, which had been so slow-paced and quiet otherwise on the kibbutz, would suddenly have sped-up and run out from nowhere, and it would be bed time., as work was in 4 hours.
So I didn't get round to doing any of the things that I envisaged I would.
But I did so much more! How could I have expected that, at the beginning of those fateful two months I would, in time, experience the honour of cutting twenty goats' toenails? Or learning how to make different types of cheeses? Or even that I would be able to fuel, sustain and contribute to an explosive trilingual argument? Did I know at the time I arrived at the kibbutz, that in the next two months I would almost die by drowning, get my nose pierced or that I potentially would want to change my entire (carefully finetuned, hard-earned and highly detailed) life plans?
To answer my own questions, I reply a big resounding 'No'.
It was never all cakes and sweet stuff (apart from one Shabbat, when it was literally all cakes and sweet stuff), and at times the whole experience was downright horrible, soul-destroying, upsetting and even highly ohysically painful. But it was the single most funnest, most illuminating and thrilling experience I've had in my entire life.
And so I welcome you to read the edited (for personal reasons) version of my kibbutz life.
Sincerely yours,
The Mitnadevet
Welcome to my blog - a catalogue of my two months in Israel (and BH beyond too) which I spent on a kibbutz in Israel.
Firstly, a few disclaimers:
1) Everything you read here is entirely truthful: outrageous or outlandish as some of it may sound. It's a different world out there. Really.
2) This blog does not seek to cause harm or offence, merely to tell it how it really was/is, as I saw/see it happening.
3) This blog does not seek to provide a political/racial/religious standpoint or opinion. It is literally just a retelling of the experience(s) I had/will have as a volunteer in Eretz Yisrael. Don't read too much into it, metaphorically or allegorically.
Now that's over with, a further introduction:
'The Mitnadevet' ('female volunteer' in Hebrew), as I came to be known, began this journey in July 2009, uncertain, unprepared and unaware of what was going to go down. To be honest, I didn't have a burning desire to farm the land or G-d knows what, mostly I just really liked the idea of spending as much time as possible in Israel (with comparitively little cost) but also for the experience itself, which I'd never had and wanted to try it before continuing my humdrum little life back in London, and writing it up in the 'Book of Experiences' in my head. I believed that my summer on kibbutz would be calm and peaceful, allowing me a lot of time to read all the books which I'd been consistently accumulating throughout my degree, to relax after a stressful final year and also to get that pesky novel out of my head/scraps of paper and onto the computer screen, finally.
None of this actually happened.
Because when I got to kibbutz, I realised that, everywhere I went, I was surrounded by people. And animals. Cows, cats, farm animals, lizards and petrukim (cockroaches). And as such, I was just another one of the new crowd, taking up space wherever I went, literally just another 'Mitnadevet' amongst the mitnadvim ('volunteers'). And people don't take kindly to mitnadvim taking a book out in the Cheder Ochel - communal dining room - at mealtimes, or disappearing off to their (shared) room to write stuff up. Instead, we would all spend our leisure time together, talking, drinking, smoking and more. And time, which had been so slow-paced and quiet otherwise on the kibbutz, would suddenly have sped-up and run out from nowhere, and it would be bed time., as work was in 4 hours.
So I didn't get round to doing any of the things that I envisaged I would.
But I did so much more! How could I have expected that, at the beginning of those fateful two months I would, in time, experience the honour of cutting twenty goats' toenails? Or learning how to make different types of cheeses? Or even that I would be able to fuel, sustain and contribute to an explosive trilingual argument? Did I know at the time I arrived at the kibbutz, that in the next two months I would almost die by drowning, get my nose pierced or that I potentially would want to change my entire (carefully finetuned, hard-earned and highly detailed) life plans?
To answer my own questions, I reply a big resounding 'No'.
It was never all cakes and sweet stuff (apart from one Shabbat, when it was literally all cakes and sweet stuff), and at times the whole experience was downright horrible, soul-destroying, upsetting and even highly ohysically painful. But it was the single most funnest, most illuminating and thrilling experience I've had in my entire life.
And so I welcome you to read the edited (for personal reasons) version of my kibbutz life.
Sincerely yours,
The Mitnadevet
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